Shut Me Up

Now it’s about this absurd traffic jam I’ve been in for fifty five minutes. Good thing I wasn’t crazy about working today anyway, because I’m already almost an hour late. Apparently a semi flipped over on the drawbridge leading into Grand Haven. It’s like I’m so close and yet, so far…

I can’t even call myself a fan of nascar, in fact I’ll openly admit to expressing how much I’ve disliked this so called sport for years and yet, here I am watching my first Daytona 500 and what happens? A huge fucking blow out of a safety vehicle, a driver tweeting for two hours during a red flag, and my curiosity getting the best of me. Next thing I know I’m following said racer, Brad Keselowski, reorganizing my followed list, syncing my facebook to post and then remembering my tumblr is linked in my bio leading to me suddenly rediscovering this as well. After deleting almost everyone I was following on here there should be less clutter and excess of the things I’ve been trying to avoid so I can slowly start checking my dash, following new people, find words or things to share, and revitalize my interest with the internet. It’s funny how things like this work out.

But I remember when I started this last year and I’m hoping my excitement for tumblr comes back with avengens like when it first got started. I’ve been struggling a lot lately and I don’t know how it became December or where I’ve been. I’ve been like a robot shuffling through my day to day without any thoughts or opinions on life. It’s been awful. I’m so dependent on my family it’s disgusting. I hate this, I hate being bipolar. I hate that I can’t even keep myself on this post. I write one thing, I stop, I focus on something else, I come back, I wonder what I was talking about so I reread and try to continue and I just feel lost. I’m trying to get to the point of saying that I’m going off my medications, with psychiatrist approval of course, and hoping to change things around. I need some passion in my life again, I need to thrive. I deserve to be happy.